Yesterday.

Yesterday, I felt useful. I felt satisfied. I played the role of a listener, an advisor, a proof-reader, a reassurer,a supporter, an idea-giver, a good daughter, a driver, a 'surrogate' mother (perhaps?).. the list can go on.

Though, this was not my first time doing this (obviously), the fact that I was playing a multiple role in helping people became prominent via sudden self-realization. A few days ago, I felt small and literally useless. I was not sure if my personality was strong enough to impact others. I felt alone, to be exact. But yesterday, God made sure that I did not doubt my confidence in impacting/helping others.

Yesterday, Sudz asked for help/inspiration with his personal statement for a student exchange programme to GREECE (Greece!! Greece!! omg, I hate you, sudhir.How can you learn in such a distracting beautiful place??!!). It was an interesting chore to do as I personally do not have an idea of how personal statements are written. I felt like a 'surrogate' mother wanting her son to feel relieved now that he is done with that chore. All in all, the feeling of helping someone gave me a good feeling. Yet, I was very cautious as to not let that good feeling overwhelm me. I did not want to make it as though I depended on helping ppl to help myself get that 'good feeling'. That would be selfish of me!

Yes, my blog post may look as though I am insecure and in need of some form of reassurance to prove that I am still useful. Well, no, I am not insecure. But yes, I needed some reassurance and encouragement as I felt down this week.

Later in the evening, I met up with Shaz since she was moving to JB this sunday. We chatted sooo soo much till I cldnt even remember tasting the Roti tissue I orderd frm Devi's -sweat- . As I drove bck home after our girly meeting, I could not help but feel a sense of soothing calmness overwhelming me. I'd usually feel flustered and excited after such a girly outing especially when it comes to catching up on friends I have not met for so long. But this calmness was just.. there. And then, I soon realized how our conversation made me realized how much we have matured since our MCKL days. I am more amazed at how much I have matured (emphasis added). Our conversation yesterday made me realize that I no longer am the type who wld listen with envy or discomfort. I preferred to listen intently and feel satisfied at the excited/happy expression on Shaz's face as she talks about the successful 5-days medical conference organized mostly by her. I preferred advising her on certain social issues rather than keeping it to myself and allow her to learn the hard way (just like I used to whn I was in my early teens). I preferred sharing parts of my problems to her rather than bottling it to myself. I was not as chatty and bimbo-ish neither was I too 'emo' and quiet (just like I used to be when I was younger). And that explains the sense of calmness. :-)

I realized I was not much of a trouble to mum, neither was I for my dad. In fact, yesterday, I was (and will always be) a listener for mum since she was a very patient listener when I was still a talkative child.

I was a supportive friend by agreeing to accompany Indra for her morning walks before class,starting this Tuesday. It was a great way to support her weight-loss regime :)

I became a listener and advisor to D when he poured out his issues on his relationship. I am happy for him though I did honestly tell him that I disapprove of certain things he does.

I got in touch with Shalini Niles,a senior frm MCKL. It was so refreshing to actually hear from her! I could sense her vibrant sunshiny aura from where I was sitting. Oddly enough, I did not feel envious (just like I used to when I was younger). Instead, I felt so proud of her.

Yesterday, I reminded myself that there are more multiple roles I am capable of playing in future. Yesterday, I realized I am no longer what I used to be when I was younger. I have grown up (and am still growing). Yes, thanks to my family and friends, yesterday was a very satisfying/productive/fulfilling day...

I love everyone of you.