Ridiculous Repetitive Cycle.

It has always been like this. It's somewhat a cycle that repeats itself day in, day out.

I am the one playing the role of the listener/ counsellor/ loving mother to the guy friends I talk to. I love this role yet I hate it as well. Why? Because I feel used and at the end of the day, I really do feel like a protective mother who finds it difficult to let go of her sons. I feel lonely.

I know of some who would go on and on about getting this one girl to be their other halves yet not do anything about it. I know of some who do take action. And there are some who would come to me when things go bad with (or have lost) their other halves, and would abandon me the next when they crawl back to their ex-halves. I know of one who did something similar along the lines but when things were alright with his other half. Then there used to be those who would whine about not being able to find a partner whom they could click with, and then expect me to introduce more women to them. This is absolutely Ridiculous.

Sure I love helping people. Call me naive but I do this with a genuine heart. You could also call it a give and take issue since it also gives me a better insight on how men think, which will then assist me when advising my girlfriends. But still, I cannot help but wonder if charities like these are truly worth my time/ effort. It emotionally drains me. What worries me is that I only realise this much later, after all charities have been done, when I do not have the strength to be emotionally positive anymore. When issues have been settled, when I have finished playing my part as the listener, when I am given a big virtual 'hug' as a thank you gift, I smile (and sigh with relief) genuinely. But I don't know why I am incapable of holding that genuine smile for long. For as soon as they turn their backs and run out of the door like happy children, I bite my lips and that stupid heart of mine crumbles to the floor and I am lonely again.

Yes, I am always overlooked. Perhaps I have a personality of a wet cabbage... not as interesting as your other halves. Something must be wrong with me to the extent that these people sidle up with me for one moment for comfort and drop me the next.

Do you now understand why I try not to take God and my mummy for granted? I believe this is how they both feel when we do so. God and mum, I am so sorry if I made you feel how I am currently feeling right now. It hurts so much..

I currently have..

3 SRMs to attend in which I do most of the ground works and project those who are due.

MMG, SPA Assurance, CIPS.

I am starting to gather more Comp Time and I hardly see the evening sunset. We have all been exposed to the really absurd 'weather' in our office till I feel we are capable of going up to Genting.. sleeveless/topless. My eyes have consistently been in contact with laptops (homeand office). I hardly play RC on FB anymore. Yet, I do not find this peak period mundane at all. In fact, I get this sense of satisfaction whenever I am able to organize the way I work my way, at my own pace. That satisfaction alone allows me to fully appreciate the weekend and the hangouts I go to. I love the fact that the peak period is this month.. just when those grandparents are coming back from 'Auustraaaiilia'. I'd be nestled between my laptop and my seat on my workstation with me shawl and blanket working for those SRMs not giving two Effs about their current family situation elsewhere as well as how they are doing.

1 SRM down, two more to go as at 5/11/2009. I love work and my IMMEDIATE family (i.e: mum and dad) :)

Fix me, Lord.

Dear Lord,



Please fix me.



I am pleading for you to fix my low self esteem and confidence. I acknowledge that this is one of my biggest flaws that can never seem to be improved on. You have thrown at me situations that test my confidence yet I seem to fail each of these tests over and over again. I do not know when will I ever learn from my mistakes although I know where I went wrong. In fact, I do not know of any other improved ways to switch my mindset and make it sustainable. At one moment, I feel confident in terms of my physique, intelligence, talents, and 'sweet' personality. But that soon takes a 180 degree change and my confidence drops to a negative to zero value.



The test you threw at me during the Speedzone Tour 2009 was enough to make me realize that I do not have sufficient energy on my own to sustain a mindset filled with absolute confidence and socialable skills. My low self-esteem created a domino effect by fueling a sense of insecurity which then led to slight possessiveness which in turn wrecked part of my weekend as I became emotional. Perhaps, the reason why I could not sustain my level of confidence to a optimum peak is because I cannot do this on my own... I need Your energy/help.



Please, Lord... I plead for you fix me.

House no.3 reunion (20/09/2009)

It has been a very meaningful week since the start of the Raya break. I've been catching up with old friends (not literally) whom I have not met for some time. High school mates, primary school mates, uni mates.. you name it.. -sighs in delight- Aahh..Long Raya weekend, how I love thee. Here's a post on one of them... :)

Had a lovely reunion last sunday (20/09/2009) with the TTS house no. 3 + 5 gang from UNIM. It's been a while since we got together to catch up and spend time (even then, the group was not 'complete' as some are not in KL at that point of time).

Met up at the Curve, after which we had a loonnngg discussion on where to eat and soon decided on Italiannies -___-"


Apologies, I cannot remember the name of this tomato-based dish but basically it tastes similar to the Chicken Pomedoro below.

Chicken Pomedoro (Not sure how it is spelt, I vaguely the remember the name as it is, hope I got it right). I was not impressed with this dish at all as there was only chicken, with bits of cheese on top, and tomato sauce in between the chicken and pasta.

Fried Calamari. Pretty addictive stuff (and calorie inducing too. Also capable of causing a cardiac arrest if consumed too often :p)

Salmon Fettucine. Perhaps the reason why I preferred this to the Chicken Pomedoro is because I am biased towards cream-based pastas rather than tomato-based ones.

'Yang Berhormat (YB)' Pradeep Vasudevan (who came strolling in much later when the rest of us were already seated) scrutinizing the menu :p

US! Missing in picture: Yan, Han Seng, Ken Seong and Tze Jin.. sniff.. :(



We later popped by Baskin Robbins for some ice cream after watching G-Force in 3D (after lunch). YJ and I coincidentally ordered this flavour with lots of praline and bits of cookies/choc in it (forgive me, I cannot recall the name of the ice cream- it had the word Praline in it though). Abit on the sweet side but hey it's low fat yoghurt hence the consistency was quite light :p . Some ordered Rum & Raisins, a flavour which I still cannot appreciate at all. :s

LOL. Look at their happy faces (above and below)

AHAHAHA.. YJ kor kor eating his ice cream like a little boy. :p

A couple I truly salute and admire alot for their years together and their maturity; Wei Yong & Kok Hong. :)

My ex roomie, Diane .... and our happy faces after ice cream ^___^

More posts/pics on other reunions coming up :)

3 lines.

I miss you..

Do you know that?

I'm sure you do...

....mon photographe

La Suisse (12/09/2009)

La Suisse, a place nestled within Damansara Heights, used to be a restaurant we would frequent to since I was a child.

Sentimental/cosy Fine Dining. That's La Suisse for you. Decors are not extravaggant, in fact nothing has changed since. I certainly give credit to the owners (two brothers)who have painstakingly maintained the place. Even the head waitress is still working there. La Suisse was one of the places I 'grew up' with. Perhaps that explains why I always had this nostalgic feeling everytime I step into the restaurant. I can't not blog about this.. can I?

Pics:

Butter Fish with Prawn Sauce. Note that the sides (consisting of boiled potatoes and finely sauted spinach) were still the same as I remembered them to be. It may look simple, but the taste was and still is exquisite.

Spaghetti Aglio Olio with Seafood. Trust me, the dish itself looks more appetising than what I have snapped here. The bad pic is due to a combination of bad lighting, an amatuer photographer (me) and a hungry father (note the fork on the plate).

We ordered three dishes actually. Mum ordered Dory Fish with tomato & basil sauce, which was very well seasoned with fresh herbs. I did not take a pic of that though as it looks similar to the butter fish dish. Their menu has not changed much too. I love their desserts as well.. however, our already shrinking appetites prevented us from ordering at least ONE dessert. :(

The food in La Suisse is rather pricey mind you..esp for those on a budget. Dishes can range between Rm30++ to Rm50++ but one dish itself can be pretty filling. If you are willing to have a one night splurge on a romantic/sentimental dinner, this is a perfect place to go to. In fact, I'd strongly recommend the place for your typical cosy Valentine's dinner. :-)

Dinner at William's (Part 2)

This was a draft I wrote on a beautiful Saturday morning, when I finally got the inspiration to post a proper food/outing review:


More dishes from William's, tried and tested. :-)

Nasi Goreng Ketam - Rice fried with soft shell crab. Portion is big enough for two..small eaters.

Angel Hair Pasta with Butter Prawns. Not cream-based, has that lemongrass flavouring BUT the prawns were still shelled. I could have thoroughly enjoyed this dish if it were not for the need to peel the prawns (prawn-peeling was never my forte).

So there you have it, we did not have much on that day. Perhaps we will venture to William's again to try out new dishes. :-)

Graduation 25/07/09

I am writting this with a placid expression as I am not in a colourful mood today:

3 years of fun, laughter, exams, journals, friendship, freedom, new experiences...etc.. that was what I got from the University of Nottingham Malaysia Campus.

I miss it. I really do.

The end of my Uni years literally symbolizes the end of my freedom. I feel like I've been forcefully shipped back and caged in this prison- i.e: my own home. But oh well, everything comes to an end, doesn't it? Ah.. Sorry, I digress..

The 25th of July 2009, was one of my happiest, symbolic days in my life, to be honest. I was, for once, genuinely smiling. And despite my unhappiness over my 'imprisonment' issue, I am still thankful to God and my parents for helping me pull through university. I'm not going to elaborate further..here are the pics..

My parents. (You'd obviously know where I got my smile from) :-)

Mum and I. -hugs-

Many of you may not have seen or heard me talk about my dad that often. We aren't that close as how I am close with mum. But we're trying. Full-stop.

Beautiful flowers :-)

Photos with friends are all posted in FB. Toodles.

My happy tuesday. :-)

Again, I got what I prayed for.. and I believe that it was worth the wait.

Today, PriceWaterhouseCoopers called to offer me a job as an exec under the HR dept (something that I have been vying for), which commences tomorrow 1st July 2009. I was and still am elated. Thank you, God.. for giving me the patience to wait for a better job offer to come by and for letting me trust in You.

And this was about 30minutes before going out to watch Transformers 2 with Ching and Anju. So just imagine how 'high' i was during and after the movie. Teehehe!

Autobots, roll out!! -shing shing shing zwing- :p

Results.

I got what I wanted, what I aimed for, what I worked for...

BA (Hons) International Business Managment, 2nd class upper. :-)

Never have I mentioned this in any of my blog posts... but I want to thank my Lord Jesus for providing me with friends, a supportive family, a conducive environment, and spiritual guidance (though I have strayed now and then) to help me achieve my breakthrough.

:-)

Dinner at William's (22/12/08)

A very very belated food post. Sigh.. my apologies.

So we went to William's, a mamak place that wasn't in a building but under a stretch of shacks at ss24 (or was it ss23...crap). Do not be deceived by its shabby appearance. The food is actually good with sizable portions that make your eyebrows shoot up at least. They serve anything from Western to chinese to downright mamak..hence, its popularity.

William's does not have a proper menu with all their signature dishes, hence you need to either order based on recommendations from the workers or friends or from observation (i.e: you be thick-skinned and stare at what those from other tables are eating)

Here are pics of what we ordered when we went to Williams during my 22nd bday.

Ice blended Ribena with lychee on your left & ice blended mango with lychee on your right.

Spaghetti meatball.

And.. when we go up close and personal with each meatball, we get... Cheeesseeeee...

Seafood platter (I'm sorry I can't name whatever that was in the platter as I cant remember)

Macaroni and Cheese!!

Ice blended Advocado and Kiwi (OMG, this is sooo good but calorie inducing!!)

I'll post more pics on what we ordered during another random night out at William's soon. :)

This is how I feel now, Reality.

Reality has a way with its fists. It strikes so hard and all of us know it. It can vary from a gradual sting to a 5 second unbearable heart wrenching pain.

Me, i realized how that it loves to strike unexpectedly, in places/moments that we least expect it to appear. Yet, a tiny fraction of your mind gives out light warning signals that there is a tendency for it to appear soon, no... NOW. "Oh..Ouch! Hey! S**t!!My money!! My heart!!" Then, the pick pocketer runs off with your wallet, the con man who conned you scurries off with your dearly departed money, the man/woman in the same train that you once thought was giving you seductive eye contact runs away with your heart, the gold digger who charmed you with his/her flowery language quietly steals away with your bank account number,your dignity AND your heart. That seems to happen when one becomes too naive/ignorant.

I doubt I can ever understand how a well carried/light conversation could still lead me to hunch over with hands clutching tightly to my chest as those eyes become blurry with salt water. I can never ever understand how I can get so smittened by the poetic atmosphere within the conversation though my mind continually yells at me to be skeptical/cautious. When all seems smooth, you startle everything to the extent that it slaps me in the face. But that is a good thing. I need a slap now and then to tell me that I am after all in the 'real' world. I am sorry for being naive. I am also sorry for having so mch pride till I lie so as to hide my feelings. I have been denying, denying and denying and even if you did notice my denial, you were nice enough to not point it out so as to save my 'face'. But I don't like this vulnerable feeling I am starting to feel right now. I am scared. Yes, I am scared too. And thats another reality.

Life is supposedly 'simple'. But I am not one who can make it simple. I am after all complicated. So complicated till I do not realize how naive I have become. Stupid reality.. stupid stupid reality, it hurts and you know it, Reality!

Singapore: 20/03-22/3

This...

is a very very belated post that I have been procrastinating on. So I shall get started.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I was to participate in this 3D/3N programme in Singapore with food/accommodation/transport provided.

I enjoyed the programme. 17 ppl participated (which to me ws good as we had the whole bus to ourselves!). We stayed at this chalet called Goldkist Resort, which was super clean (its Singapore) and yes, I may sound too hyper about but coming from someone who has NOT been to Singapore since she was a small child was not at all surprising. So many things have changed. And I fell in love with Singapore.

Pictures. :-)

Cloudy Singapore.

Man-made Singapore.

Group picture at the Urban Development Office

I thought this was some special Yam Basket. But it's actually a unique-tasting tofu with sweet peanut sauce (like our satay sauce). It was at this restaurant serving Indonesian food.

This was at Marina Bay. Notice that giant erm..space-like structure there?

Look closer and you would see that the whole structure is made of empty recyclable water bottles. Those round florescent rings pasted at the bottom of the bottles gave an interesting hue to the structure when the UV lights were changing colour in the room.

I love this structure. Looks like blood vessel no? The lights up there changes colour too. So it really looks like you are up close and personal with a blood vessel when it becomes red.

Haha. This looks rather gay I know. Thats Li Fong from Taylors there. And I can't blame him for touching that water droplet there..I mean, who wouldn't resist doing so. They look so cute I tell you. Just imagine, they had lots of those dangling in the middle of our walkway.

Peek into the water droplet and you would see this. Awesome right!

After passing the walkways with water droplets, we came to this section. It was meant to emphasize about going green. I thought of Ching Yee as I was passing this place obviously because it was all GREEN. :p

Water. Something that we can never live without.

We had to wear business attire on our first day in Singapore. So, my mum practically made me pack one of her business suits to wear for our first day. Friends say I look so much better with formal attire. I just had to pose for the camera.

This is actually a floor and the bottom of this floor is a replica of Singapore. I had trouble walking properly at this section because I was afraid I'd fall/break the floor and literally play Godzilla (Not that I'm thaaaatt heavy, but you get the point?)

On top of Marina Bay's roof is a huge green field. Sorry about the lighting, it looks as though all of us made a visit in heaven. -___-"

Still at the top of Marina Bay. Thats Katelyn, Michelle, and Meei yuun there (frm left to right). I felt that the rainbow coloured umbrella somehow made this pic interesting :)

Look down from Marina Bay's rooftop, there were lots of children playing at the water fountain. I recalled some of us girls sighing with love over their freedom. Sigh. How I long to relive those carefree years.

OMG. This ice cream is so weird, the cone is triangular, and the ice cream is sculptured so high till I was afraid it would topple (knowing how clumsy I am). The ice cream melted too fast though. And sadly, EVERYONE chose green tea -__-".

Chocolate cake from Awfully Chocolate. According to Poh Gee and Meei Yuun, this is one of THE BEST choc cakes ever! Well, I don't usually rate chocolate cakes -i.e: I'm a noob at chocolate cakes. But still, the cake was moist and chocolatey enough to make me very very satisfied. We were eating this on the beach near our resort somemore. What more can we ask. Bliss... :)

Dominic calls this 'the Durian'. LOL. Its.. ah crap.. temporary memory loss.. Now I can't seem to recall what this building was for. OMG!! I'll update this as soon as I can.

The Merlion (apparently our tour guide tld us that it recently got struck by lightning directly on its head)

Our final dinner for the program. This is our appetizer; an array of prawns, spring rolls and potato cutlets. OMG, the food was sooo good!

A lone parsley. This parsley, was not like any ordinary parsley. It made Poh Gee, Meei Yuun and I laugh so hard till our laughs were uncontrollable..all because Poh Gee took it, put it slightly near her nose and mimicked a nose picking session. OMG...ROFL!!!

This is the Highlander, a very english-themed bar. Omg, I love the place. The beer tasted so fresh as it was freshly brewed and those chandelier antlers fascinated me.

The beach where we were staying (Goldkist resort)

These were my naughty roomates. :)

hmm... 'Durex' on a beach??

Girls...very loud noisy girls :p

Yep, I am infatuated with Singapore. Their landscape and system that is. I have yet to delve into real hustle and bustle in Singapore.