That scent.

5th May 2009:

Early morning there came a light whiff of familiar cologne scent that made me stop for a sniff while frowning with great perplexity. I am amazed at how a slight whiff can trigger a fraction of one’s memory span, causing one to relive the exact same feelings one felt before.

For me, it was the feeling of anticipation, tenderness, infatuation, sickly excitement, guilt all gruesomely twisted with my churning stomach, rapid heartbeat and cold palms. Doing those things with bipolar feelings all for the sake of indulging in sin only made me more feverish. I can still hold vivid images of staircases, light yellow walls, the school-like atmosphere, the library, the dark blue + orange bag and his gold ring just with that trigger from that whiff. I remember the secrecy, pride, insecurity and occasional doubts about feeling manipulated though I felt capable of controlling the game with my own hands. I recall the sudden pull on the left that left me stunned before I could close my eyes with guilt and mentally apologize to another elsewhere. My God, that feeling. I can now snap back from that trigger with a relieved sigh knowing fully well that that experience is now over and I am safe.

The things a light whiff could do.

If only I could smell words, theories, and formulas. That would help my academia tremendously.