Ridiculous Repetitive Cycle.

It has always been like this. It's somewhat a cycle that repeats itself day in, day out.

I am the one playing the role of the listener/ counsellor/ loving mother to the guy friends I talk to. I love this role yet I hate it as well. Why? Because I feel used and at the end of the day, I really do feel like a protective mother who finds it difficult to let go of her sons. I feel lonely.

I know of some who would go on and on about getting this one girl to be their other halves yet not do anything about it. I know of some who do take action. And there are some who would come to me when things go bad with (or have lost) their other halves, and would abandon me the next when they crawl back to their ex-halves. I know of one who did something similar along the lines but when things were alright with his other half. Then there used to be those who would whine about not being able to find a partner whom they could click with, and then expect me to introduce more women to them. This is absolutely Ridiculous.

Sure I love helping people. Call me naive but I do this with a genuine heart. You could also call it a give and take issue since it also gives me a better insight on how men think, which will then assist me when advising my girlfriends. But still, I cannot help but wonder if charities like these are truly worth my time/ effort. It emotionally drains me. What worries me is that I only realise this much later, after all charities have been done, when I do not have the strength to be emotionally positive anymore. When issues have been settled, when I have finished playing my part as the listener, when I am given a big virtual 'hug' as a thank you gift, I smile (and sigh with relief) genuinely. But I don't know why I am incapable of holding that genuine smile for long. For as soon as they turn their backs and run out of the door like happy children, I bite my lips and that stupid heart of mine crumbles to the floor and I am lonely again.

Yes, I am always overlooked. Perhaps I have a personality of a wet cabbage... not as interesting as your other halves. Something must be wrong with me to the extent that these people sidle up with me for one moment for comfort and drop me the next.

Do you now understand why I try not to take God and my mummy for granted? I believe this is how they both feel when we do so. God and mum, I am so sorry if I made you feel how I am currently feeling right now. It hurts so much..