The Brighter Side

As of March 2010...

2010-03-26T22:23:00.004+08:00

As of the first 3 months of 2010..

I have lost 2 people I cherished.
One was through a misunderstanding/small mistake,
The other was by death.

As of the first 3 months of 2010..
I have been questioning myself in terms of my characteristics/ bad habits
I am filled with regret for not being able to see Nenibe after 9 years
I am disgusted with myself for not being a better daughter, for not appreciating my parents
although circumstances require me to stop procrastinating
Nenibe's unwavering faith in God before her death convicted me to the core.
I cannot read updates from my cousins without shedding a tear.

As of the first 3 months of 2010..
I am once again afraid of growing old alone.
I chose to shut myself away and to not update friends on my current well being
I feel I am or may be a burden to them should I start talking about myself
This I have only updated a few if not a handful.

I am tired.

Amidst of the painful chaos, perhaps the optimistic side of me would quip 'Yaay, I've drastically lost weight'?

Sore losers.

2010-02-18T18:42:00.004+08:00

Well, well.. what do we have here? 2010, you did bring more challenges.

Some people are absolute sore losers. None of you have changed since. Should you think I was wrong, the least you could have done was to be cool headed about it.

Go ahead and blame me. Keep those misunderstandings and assumptions of yours coming. Continue polluting your own mind, tainting your perception of me. I have come to a point where I cannot be bothered if I am unable to please everyone. I apologise if any of you were those whom I cannot please.

Family and friends. Be it blood related or not. They are only human. When things do not go their own way, they throw tantrums. I am sick of coaxing them out of it. I am sick of being blamed for the things I have NOT done especially at the wrong time and at the wrong phase. I am sick of justifying myself. I am sick of ppl/ families harping over the mistakes I have made. Shouldn't you understand by now that harping over past mistakes will NOT move us forward. It will not solve anything!

Make your own judgements for all I care. I am me. I believe those closest to me know me and trust me for who I am. How unfortunate though, this does not include certain family members as well as those I held some respect for.

Dearest 2009 and 2010. A letter.

2010-01-02T09:12:00.006+08:00

Announcing the arrival of the year of the Tiger...

Dear 2009,

It was indeed a great year for me with plenty of breakthroughs as prophesied by a pastor on 20th July 2008. On that day, I was told that I will be going to the 'next level', there will be breakthroughs soon and I need to push the roof to get to the 'next level'. I believe my breakthroughs started right after the prophesy but it was just a matter of time till I saw the fruits of my labour.

I learnt to juggle my time in uni when I was in the midst of that music project in the previous church I was in. Discipline and perseverance kept me confined in my room in solitude (most of the time) but it was worth it as my shaky eyes landed on the 'second upper class' on the freshly printed transcript in June 2009.
I learnt to do things I truly wanted to do without having to look on my right/left to see if any of my friends would join me. I went for that Singapore programme and made more friends. Uni itself reminded me of how harsh reality can be; friends can fail and disappoint.
I learnt that I need more room for improvement when it comes to my temper and my heart. My heart is still in the process of growing numb to situations that may trigger my emotions. It still bleeds despite the straight face or soft spoken voice at work, making it even more torturous because I have nothing to vent my frustrations to. My true temper is something for me to worry about next.. I am in the midst of getting that sorted out.
I managed to secure a job in a reputable firm by relying on God's grace while planning at the same time.
I learnt that I cannot stay in my comfort zone for too long in order to push myself to the next level. It took me a year to ponder upon the decision to move to a new church after years in the church I grew up in.

I learnt so much ..too much till I finally understood the verse in Ecclesiastis; 'with knowledge comes grief'. Ignorance is indeed bliss. Yet it is crucial to learn to accept the amount of wisdom I receive with an open mind, a straight face and an optimistic heart.

Dear 2010,

I am looking forward for the new challenges that will kick me out of my comfort zone. It will definitely test my perseverance and shred my already wounded heart. But it will not kill me although I am not afraid of dying. I believe it will make me cling harder unto Him in a child-like manner, drawing us closer to Him. We are His children after all.

Bring it on, 2010. I challenge you.

Ridiculous Repetitive Cycle.

2009-12-13T21:18:00.005+08:00

It has always been like this. It's somewhat a cycle that repeats itself day in, day out.

I am the one playing the role of the listener/ counsellor/ loving mother to the guy friends I talk to. I love this role yet I hate it as well. Why? Because I feel used and at the end of the day, I really do feel like a protective mother who finds it difficult to let go of her sons. I feel lonely.

I know of some who would go on and on about getting this one girl to be their other halves yet not do anything about it. I know of some who do take action. And there are some who would come to me when things go bad with (or have lost) their other halves, and would abandon me the next when they crawl back to their ex-halves. I know of one who did something similar along the lines but when things were alright with his other half. Then there used to be those who would whine about not being able to find a partner whom they could click with, and then expect me to introduce more women to them. This is absolutely Ridiculous.

Sure I love helping people. Call me naive but I do this with a genuine heart. You could also call it a give and take issue since it also gives me a better insight on how men think, which will then assist me when advising my girlfriends. But still, I cannot help but wonder if charities like these are truly worth my time/ effort. It emotionally drains me. What worries me is that I only realise this much later, after all charities have been done, when I do not have the strength to be emotionally positive anymore. When issues have been settled, when I have finished playing my part as the listener, when I am given a big virtual 'hug' as a thank you gift, I smile (and sigh with relief) genuinely. But I don't know why I am incapable of holding that genuine smile for long. For as soon as they turn their backs and run out of the door like happy children, I bite my lips and that stupid heart of mine crumbles to the floor and I am lonely again.

Yes, I am always overlooked. Perhaps I have a personality of a wet cabbage... not as interesting as your other halves. Something must be wrong with me to the extent that these people sidle up with me for one moment for comfort and drop me the next.

Do you now understand why I try not to take God and my mummy for granted? I believe this is how they both feel when we do so. God and mum, I am so sorry if I made you feel how I am currently feeling right now. It hurts so much..

I currently have..

2009-11-05T21:23:00.004+08:00

3 SRMs to attend in which I do most of the ground works and project those who are due.

MMG, SPA Assurance, CIPS.

I am starting to gather more Comp Time and I hardly see the evening sunset. We have all been exposed to the really absurd 'weather' in our office till I feel we are capable of going up to Genting.. sleeveless/topless. My eyes have consistently been in contact with laptops (homeand office). I hardly play RC on FB anymore. Yet, I do not find this peak period mundane at all. In fact, I get this sense of satisfaction whenever I am able to organize the way I work my way, at my own pace. That satisfaction alone allows me to fully appreciate the weekend and the hangouts I go to. I love the fact that the peak period is this month.. just when those grandparents are coming back from 'Auustraaaiilia'. I'd be nestled between my laptop and my seat on my workstation with me shawl and blanket working for those SRMs not giving two Effs about their current family situation elsewhere as well as how they are doing.

1 SRM down, two more to go as at 5/11/2009. I love work and my IMMEDIATE family (i.e: mum and dad) :)

Fix me, Lord.

2009-10-25T19:30:00.002+08:00

Dear Lord,

Please fix me.

I am pleading for you to fix my low self esteem and confidence. I acknowledge that this is one of my biggest flaws that can never seem to be improved on. You have thrown at me situations that test my confidence yet I seem to fail each of these tests over and over again. I do not know when will I ever learn from my mistakes although I know where I went wrong. In fact, I do not know of any other improved ways to switch my mindset and make it sustainable. At one moment, I feel confident in terms of my physique, intelligence, talents, and 'sweet' personality. But that soon takes a 180 degree change and my confidence drops to a negative to zero value.

The test you threw at me during the Speedzone Tour 2009 was enough to make me realize that I do not have sufficient energy on my own to sustain a mindset filled with absolute confidence and socialable skills. My low self-esteem created a domino effect by fueling a sense of insecurity which then led to slight possessiveness which in turn wrecked part of my weekend as I became emotional. Perhaps, the reason why I could not sustain my level of confidence to a optimum peak is because I cannot do this on my own... I need Your energy/help.

Please, Lord... I plead for you fix me.

House no.3 reunion (20/09/2009)

2009-09-26T21:27:00.009+08:00

It has been a very meaningful week since the start of the Raya break. I've been catching up with old friends (not literally) whom I have not met for some time. High school mates, primary school mates, uni mates.. you name it.. -sighs in delight- Aahh..Long Raya weekend, how I love thee. Here's a post on one of them... :)

Had a lovely reunion last sunday (20/09/2009) with the TTS house no. 3 + 5 gang from UNIM. It's been a while since we got together to catch up and spend time (even then, the group was not 'complete' as some are not in KL at that point of time).

Met up at the Curve, after which we had a loonnngg discussion on where to eat and soon decided on Italiannies -___-"

Apologies, I cannot remember the name of this tomato-based dish but basically it tastes similar to the Chicken Pomedoro below.

Chicken Pomedoro (Not sure how it is spelt, I vaguely the remember the name as it is, hope I got it right). I was not impressed with this dish at all as there was only chicken, with bits of cheese on top, and tomato sauce in between the chicken and pasta.

Fried Calamari. Pretty addictive stuff (and calorie inducing too. Also capable of causing a cardiac arrest if consumed too often :p)

Salmon Fettucine. Perhaps the reason why I preferred this to the Chicken Pomedoro is because I am biased towards cream-based pastas rather than tomato-based ones.

'Yang Berhormat (YB)' Pradeep Vasudevan (who came strolling in much later when the rest of us were already seated) scrutinizing the menu :p

US! Missing in picture: Yan, Han Seng, Ken Seong and Tze Jin.. sniff.. :(

We later popped by Baskin Robbins for some ice cream after watching G-Force in 3D (after lunch). YJ and I coincidentally ordered this flavour with lots of praline and bits of cookies/choc in it (forgive me, I cannot recall the name of the ice cream- it had the word Praline in it though). Abit on the sweet side but hey it's low fat yoghurt hence the consistency was quite light :p . Some ordered Rum & Raisins, a flavour which I still cannot appreciate at all. :s

LOL. Look at their happy faces (above and below)

AHAHAHA.. YJ kor kor eating his ice cream like a little boy. :p

A couple I truly salute and admire alot for their years together and their maturity; Wei Yong & Kok Hong. :)

My ex roomie, Diane .... and our happy faces after ice cream ^___^

More posts/pics on other reunions coming up :)

3 lines.

2009-09-16T21:50:00.003+08:00

I miss you..

Do you know that?

I'm sure you do...

....mon photographe

La Suisse (12/09/2009)

2009-09-14T20:07:00.007+08:00

La Suisse, a place nestled within Damansara Heights, used to be a restaurant we would frequent to since I was a child.

Sentimental/cosy Fine Dining. That's La Suisse for you. Decors are not extravaggant, in fact nothing has changed since. I certainly give credit to the owners (two brothers)who have painstakingly maintained the place. Even the head waitress is still working there. La Suisse was one of the places I 'grew up' with. Perhaps that explains why I always had this nostalgic feeling everytime I step into the restaurant. I can't not blog about this.. can I?

Pics:

Butter Fish with Prawn Sauce. Note that the sides (consisting of boiled potatoes and finely sauted spinach) were still the same as I remembered them to be. It may look simple, but the taste was and still is exquisite.

Spaghetti Aglio Olio with Seafood. Trust me, the dish itself looks more appetising than what I have snapped here. The bad pic is due to a combination of bad lighting, an amatuer photographer (me) and a hungry father (note the fork on the plate).

We ordered three dishes actually. Mum ordered Dory Fish with tomato & basil sauce, which was very well seasoned with fresh herbs. I did not take a pic of that though as it looks similar to the butter fish dish. Their menu has not changed much too. I love their desserts as well.. however, our already shrinking appetites prevented us from ordering at least ONE dessert. :(

The food in La Suisse is rather pricey mind you..esp for those on a budget. Dishes can range between Rm30++ to Rm50++ but one dish itself can be pretty filling. If you are willing to have a one night splurge on a romantic/sentimental dinner, this is a perfect place to go to. In fact, I'd strongly recommend the place for your typical cosy Valentine's dinner. :-)

Dinner at William's (Part 2)

2009-08-15T10:07:00.006+08:00

This was a draft I wrote on a beautiful Saturday morning, when I finally got the inspiration to post a proper food/outing review:

More dishes from William's, tried and tested. :-)

Nasi Goreng Ketam - Rice fried with soft shell crab. Portion is big enough for two..small eaters.

Angel Hair Pasta with Butter Prawns. Not cream-based, has that lemongrass flavouring BUT the prawns were still shelled. I could have thoroughly enjoyed this dish if it were not for the need to peel the prawns (prawn-peeling was never my forte).

So there you have it, we did not have much on that day. Perhaps we will venture to William's again to try out new dishes. :-)

Graduation 25/07/09

2009-08-03T20:40:00.009+08:00

I am writting this with a placid expression as I am not in a colourful mood today:

3 years of fun, laughter, exams, journals, friendship, freedom, new experiences...etc.. that was what I got from the University of Nottingham Malaysia Campus.

I miss it. I really do.

The end of my Uni years literally symbolizes the end of my freedom. I feel like I've been forcefully shipped back and caged in this prison- i.e: my own home. But oh well, everything comes to an end, doesn't it? Ah.. Sorry, I digress..

The 25th of July 2009, was one of my happiest, symbolic days in my life, to be honest. I was, for once, genuinely smiling. And despite my unhappiness over my 'imprisonment' issue, I am still thankful to God and my parents for helping me pull through university. I'm not going to elaborate further..here are the pics..

My parents. (You'd obviously know where I got my smile from) :-)

Mum and I. -hugs-

Many of you may not have seen or heard me talk about my dad that often. We aren't that close as how I am close with mum. But we're trying. Full-stop.

Beautiful flowers :-)

Photos with friends are all posted in FB. Toodles.

My happy tuesday. :-)

2009-06-30T19:26:00.003+08:00

Again, I got what I prayed for.. and I believe that it was worth the wait.

Today, PriceWaterhouseCoopers called to offer me a job as an exec under the HR dept (something that I have been vying for), which commences tomorrow 1st July 2009. I was and still am elated. Thank you, God.. for giving me the patience to wait for a better job offer to come by and for letting me trust in You.

And this was about 30minutes before going out to watch Transformers 2 with Ching and Anju. So just imagine how 'high' i was during and after the movie. Teehehe!

Autobots, roll out!! -shing shing shing zwing- :p

Results.

2009-06-23T19:33:00.003+08:00

I got what I wanted, what I aimed for, what I worked for...

BA (Hons) International Business Managment, 2nd class upper. :-)

Never have I mentioned this in any of my blog posts... but I want to thank my Lord Jesus for providing me with friends, a supportive family, a conducive environment, and spiritual guidance (though I have strayed now and then) to help me achieve my breakthrough.

:-)

Dinner at William's (22/12/08)

2009-06-20T22:09:00.008+08:00

A very very belated food post. Sigh.. my apologies.

So we went to William's, a mamak place that wasn't in a building but under a stretch of shacks at ss24 (or was it ss23...crap). Do not be deceived by its shabby appearance. The food is actually good with sizable portions that make your eyebrows shoot up at least. They serve anything from Western to chinese to downright mamak..hence, its popularity.

William's does not have a proper menu with all their signature dishes, hence you need to either order based on recommendations from the workers or friends or from observation (i.e: you be thick-skinned and stare at what those from other tables are eating)

Here are pics of what we ordered when we went to Williams during my 22nd bday.

Ice blended Ribena with lychee on your left & ice blended mango with lychee on your right.

Spaghetti meatball.

And.. when we go up close and personal with each meatball, we get... Cheeesseeeee...

Seafood platter (I'm sorry I can't name whatever that was in the platter as I cant remember)

Macaroni and Cheese!!

Ice blended Advocado and Kiwi (OMG, this is sooo good but calorie inducing!!)

I'll post more pics on what we ordered during another random night out at William's soon. :)

This is how I feel now, Reality.

2009-06-15T20:14:00.003+08:00

Reality has a way with its fists. It strikes so hard and all of us know it. It can vary from a gradual sting to a 5 second unbearable heart wrenching pain.

Me, i realized how that it loves to strike unexpectedly, in places/moments that we least expect it to appear. Yet, a tiny fraction of your mind gives out light warning signals that there is a tendency for it to appear soon, no... NOW. "Oh..Ouch! Hey! S**t!!My money!! My heart!!" Then, the pick pocketer runs off with your wallet, the con man who conned you scurries off with your dearly departed money, the man/woman in the same train that you once thought was giving you seductive eye contact runs away with your heart, the gold digger who charmed you with his/her flowery language quietly steals away with your bank account number,your dignity AND your heart. That seems to happen when one becomes too naive/ignorant.

I doubt I can ever understand how a well carried/light conversation could still lead me to hunch over with hands clutching tightly to my chest as those eyes become blurry with salt water. I can never ever understand how I can get so smittened by the poetic atmosphere within the conversation though my mind continually yells at me to be skeptical/cautious. When all seems smooth, you startle everything to the extent that it slaps me in the face. But that is a good thing. I need a slap now and then to tell me that I am after all in the 'real' world. I am sorry for being naive. I am also sorry for having so mch pride till I lie so as to hide my feelings. I have been denying, denying and denying and even if you did notice my denial, you were nice enough to not point it out so as to save my 'face'. But I don't like this vulnerable feeling I am starting to feel right now. I am scared. Yes, I am scared too. And thats another reality.

Life is supposedly 'simple'. But I am not one who can make it simple. I am after all complicated. So complicated till I do not realize how naive I have become. Stupid reality.. stupid stupid reality, it hurts and you know it, Reality!

Singapore: 20/03-22/3

2009-05-28T15:00:00.030+08:00

This...

is a very very belated post that I have been procrastinating on. So I shall get started.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I was to participate in this 3D/3N programme in Singapore with food/accommodation/transport provided.

I enjoyed the programme. 17 ppl participated (which to me ws good as we had the whole bus to ourselves!). We stayed at this chalet called Goldkist Resort, which was super clean (its Singapore) and yes, I may sound too hyper about but coming from someone who has NOT been to Singapore since she was a small child was not at all surprising. So many things have changed. And I fell in love with Singapore.

Pictures. :-)

Cloudy Singapore.

Man-made Singapore.

Group picture at the Urban Development Office

I thought this was some special Yam Basket. But it's actually a unique-tasting tofu with sweet peanut sauce (like our satay sauce). It was at this restaurant serving Indonesian food.

This was at Marina Bay. Notice that giant erm..space-like structure there?

Look closer and you would see that the whole structure is made of empty recyclable water bottles. Those round florescent rings pasted at the bottom of the bottles gave an interesting hue to the structure when the UV lights were changing colour in the room.

I love this structure. Looks like blood vessel no? The lights up there changes colour too. So it really looks like you are up close and personal with a blood vessel when it becomes red.

Haha. This looks rather gay I know. Thats Li Fong from Taylors there. And I can't blame him for touching that water droplet there..I mean, who wouldn't resist doing so. They look so cute I tell you. Just imagine, they had lots of those dangling in the middle of our walkway.

Peek into the water droplet and you would see this. Awesome right!

After passing the walkways with water droplets, we came to this section. It was meant to emphasize about going green. I thought of Ching Yee as I was passing this place obviously because it was all GREEN. :p

Water. Something that we can never live without.

We had to wear business attire on our first day in Singapore. So, my mum practically made me pack one of her business suits to wear for our first day. Friends say I look so much better with formal attire. I just had to pose for the camera.

This is actually a floor and the bottom of this floor is a replica of Singapore. I had trouble walking properly at this section because I was afraid I'd fall/break the floor and literally play Godzilla (Not that I'm thaaaatt heavy, but you get the point?)

On top of Marina Bay's roof is a huge green field. Sorry about the lighting, it looks as though all of us made a visit in heaven. -___-"

Still at the top of Marina Bay. Thats Katelyn, Michelle, and Meei yuun there (frm left to right). I felt that the rainbow coloured umbrella somehow made this pic interesting :)

Look down from Marina Bay's rooftop, there were lots of children playing at the water fountain. I recalled some of us girls sighing with love over their freedom. Sigh. How I long to relive those carefree years.

OMG. This ice cream is so weird, the cone is triangular, and the ice cream is sculptured so high till I was afraid it would topple (knowing how clumsy I am). The ice cream melted too fast though. And sadly, EVERYONE chose green tea -__-".

Chocolate cake from Awfully Chocolate. According to Poh Gee and Meei Yuun, this is one of THE BEST choc cakes ever! Well, I don't usually rate chocolate cakes -i.e: I'm a noob at chocolate cakes. But still, the cake was moist and chocolatey enough to make me very very satisfied. We were eating this on the beach near our resort somemore. What more can we ask. Bliss... :)

Dominic calls this 'the Durian'. LOL. Its.. ah crap.. temporary memory loss.. Now I can't seem to recall what this building was for. OMG!! I'll update this as soon as I can.

The Merlion (apparently our tour guide tld us that it recently got struck by lightning directly on its head)

Our final dinner for the program. This is our appetizer; an array of prawns, spring rolls and potato cutlets. OMG, the food was sooo good!

A lone parsley. This parsley, was not like any ordinary parsley. It made Poh Gee, Meei Yuun and I laugh so hard till our laughs were uncontrollable..all because Poh Gee took it, put it slightly near her nose and mimicked a nose picking session. OMG...ROFL!!!

This is the Highlander, a very english-themed bar. Omg, I love the place. The beer tasted so fresh as it was freshly brewed and those chandelier antlers fascinated me.

The beach where we were staying (Goldkist resort)

These were my naughty roomates. :)

hmm... 'Durex' on a beach??

Girls...very loud noisy girls :p

Yep, I am infatuated with Singapore. Their landscape and system that is. I have yet to delve into real hustle and bustle in Singapore.

Slipping away from my fingers.

2009-05-19T18:45:00.004+08:00

I feel my 2nd upper slipping away. sigh.

I've never felt this discouraged.

After all the studying, note-taking and understanding... I thought I had it all. I thought I could show her how capable I am of expressing my understanding as well as my interest on that subject. But I couldn't. I fucking couldn't!!!! My own right hand, my malfunctioning brain, and time prevented me from doing so. The questions, to be honest, were perfectly fine! PERFECTLY FINE!

And while everyone was going 'Oh, so how did you do?'. I tried to slip away, but was still caught with that common question. I think I mumbled some nonsense with 'No time' or 'I'd rather not talk about it, thank you' along the lines before I ran off.

In fact, none of the 3 papers I just sat for gave me confidence, unlike in my previous semester.

Damn it.

P/S: If you are a boastful 1st class scorer who thinks that this is nothing compared to you struggling to get a 1st class, do Eff Off! 2nd uppers is something I can cling on to since there is no chance of a 1st class already.

Got my dose!! :D

2009-05-10T15:01:00.010+08:00

OMG...
IGotMyFreeDoseOfNightlifeAtBarClubAndDamansarasNight
MarketYesterdayAfterMoreThan10hoursOfStudyingTheWholeDay!!

Wooohoooo!!!!

Slept at 5am yet woke up at 9am feeling so fresh and revived! I LOVE YOU, KENNEEEEEEEE. Youuu saaaavvveeeddd meeeeee frm absolute boredom!!!! Mwaaaahhh!!! BAMBI, I love you too for all the times we accompanied each other during assignment/ exam periods. In hyper mode now.

OkThanxBye. :p

Untitled.

2009-05-09T00:02:00.004+08:00

Eff it.

I miss the nightlife at the heart of KL. Sigh.... I hate exams. It bores me.

I wish it passes by as fast as France's TGV. Yet, at the same time, I wish it wouldn't. Because soon, it would signify the end of unlimited restrictions and independence. Until I am capable of moving out with a stable career in hand, my nightlife would have to be kept in Pandora's box, neatly hidden in any possible nook and cranny left in my room. When I do get the chance, I do hope I'd have the energy to blow off the dust on Pandora's box while opening it with glee.

Do you know what else I miss? Peaceful nights and you. You're a total opposite of an ideal night out. But you aren't getting into Pandora's box, no you don't. You shall stay. You do know how much I love bipolar experiences, don't you?

That scent.

2009-05-06T10:09:00.005+08:00

5th May 2009:

Early morning there came a light whiff of familiar cologne scent that made me stop for a sniff while frowning with great perplexity. I am amazed at how a slight whiff can trigger a fraction of one’s memory span, causing one to relive the exact same feelings one felt before.

For me, it was the feeling of anticipation, tenderness, infatuation, sickly excitement, guilt all gruesomely twisted with my churning stomach, rapid heartbeat and cold palms. Doing those things with bipolar feelings all for the sake of indulging in sin only made me more feverish. I can still hold vivid images of staircases, light yellow walls, the school-like atmosphere, the library, the dark blue + orange bag and his gold ring just with that trigger from that whiff. I remember the secrecy, pride, insecurity and occasional doubts about feeling manipulated though I felt capable of controlling the game with my own hands. I recall the sudden pull on the left that left me stunned before I could close my eyes with guilt and mentally apologize to another elsewhere. My God, that feeling. I can now snap back from that trigger with a relieved sigh knowing fully well that that experience is now over and I am safe.

The things a light whiff could do.

If only I could smell words, theories, and formulas. That would help my academia tremendously.

Done and over with (part 2).

2009-04-21T14:55:00.003+08:00

Miao.

I'm done with all presentations and assignments for my whole IBM Degree!! wooohoo!!! I feel very much relieved. My exams are what I need to worry about now.

24th and the 25th of April will leave me busy with SOCIAL events for once. Yaay! Isa, Marianne, Ching and myself will be heading to Zouk this friday for the CLEO's bachelor finals party. The following day would be a workout day for Ching, Marianna, Kevin and I as we would be participating for a charity walk in Sunway organized by NASAM. Awesome! Awesome! Then, if our energy levels permit us, we MIGHT head to Decanter Setiabakti for dinner..and for another purpose -eye candy- *blush*. Hehe.

'Mr. T, what have you done to me.' LOL. It rhymes.

Done and over with.

2009-04-17T05:40:00.002+08:00

I Finished 3 out of 4 of my assignments today!! OMG, what a relief.

As for you, you horrendous IBS 2 & EBE assignments, I still have not forgiven the both of you for throwing me in a state of panic and confusion, for making me feel inferior, and for making me hard-pressed for time though I was diligent enough to plan your layouts way ahead my coursemates. No! I despise the both of you. Printing you both out would not erase the trauma, the stress levels and the eye bags you have caused me! In fact, my efforts have now been transferred into hardcopy (2 hardcopies for EACH assignment on top of it); how to not forget!

May you both rot in hell while I score 2nd uppers and above and take all the well-deserved credit! Die, the both of you! Die!! -executes evil laugh- Muahahahahaaahahaha!!!!!

-__-"

Addiction?

2009-04-06T17:39:00.003+08:00

"They're like chocolate cakes, like cigarettes,
I know they're bad for me, but I just can't leave them alone..."

"A man can kill and still be the sweetest thing.."

"So I walked under a bus, I got hit by a train,
Keep falling in love which is kind of the same...
I've sunk out at sea, crashed my car, gone insane,
And it felt so good, I wanna do it again..."

I love Bachelor Girl's Buses and Trains.

Call me an S & M-ist if you must, but I find that the lyrics befits my personality. I love pain, metaphorically speaking. No matter how I complain or cry over issues that seriously break my heart, I am still willing to go through similar experiences which I know is not good for me. And sometimes, I love inflicting pain on people too (metaphorically speaking).

Pain is pleasure? Yea, I guess.

There are times when I'd wonder how it would feel like being the chocolate cake or cigarette.
I don't think I've ever been a drug/choc cake/cigarette to anyone. I've always been the addict.

Stop and stare. Barcelona Club.

2009-04-04T10:50:00.003+08:00

Clubbing at Bar Celona with Mark, Patric (his best friend) and other new people (colleagues/friends/bosses) was awesome last night. The whole experience literally made me stop and stare. Why? because I had lots to observe. I stopped everything I was doing in uni because I needed a break, hence the clubbing. I stared during my stop because of my underlying habit of observing. Call me weird but when I go to clubs, I don't necessarily go there to 'feng tau' or loose myself. In fact, I go there to quietly relax, observe and take in my surroundings. All in all, it was interesting.

I got to experience what it was like to have a private party and socialize with new people within that setting. Quiet as I may appear to be at that time, it gave me some space for me to observe how working adults entertain their bosses/clients/colleagues. I observed the exchange of businesses cards amongst those working, to the clinking of our glasses as we toasted together, to the raunchy dance moves by those 'Barcelonian Angels' (which I find was not thaaatt raunchy), to how Mark and Patric placed the cash on the manager's hand for the Chivas we opened. It was oh so interesting to observe how managers/colleagues (mostly men) gather together, with glass in one hand and cigarette in the other, to extend their networks. I even observed how they danced (Mark and Patric included,they were so cute! -giggles-). I tried my first Flaming Lambroghini there and it was so sweet/delicious/feminine. Really now, the taste was so feminine, I fell in love with it.

So, do you think I felt awkward meeting Mark's best friend and the other new people? No. Do you think I felt left out? No. The big question: Was I pissed drunk? NO! NO! NO! In fact, I had to drive Mark's car back to Tmn Connaught (our meet up place before heading to Sunway in one car) because I felt they were not fit to drive at that point of time! LOL! Must be my motherly instincts stirring within me. :)

Mark and Patric were two really nice chatty guys who were also kind enough to give me a few words of advice when it comes to the workplace. Relationship with managers = important. I definitely can click with these two. Me like. :)You both were right btw, there is such a stark contrast when it comes to clubbing with college goers and working adults. I now prefer the latter.

Thanks a bunch to the both of you (esp. Mark) for exposing me to this. :)

P/S: To Meei Yuun and Poh Gee (read, POKIE :p), you both missed out on the drinks and the whole experience itself! TOOO BAADDDD!! mwahahaha!!

On halt.

2009-03-23T17:20:00.003+08:00

I got back from Singapore yesterday but my assignments have been lagging so much to the extent that I need to put my 'report' on the Singapore experience on halt (and perhaps other food posts also..sigh).

I have so much to do.. ranging from preparing for an upcoming interview with Public Bank this Thursday-to meeting up with me best friend for a long chat-to going shopping around Bangsar-to finishing at least 50% of my assignments by this week. Argh!!! Gaaa! I may need to start drinking more tea again. -faints-

Till then... TTFN! :)

Run.

2009-03-16T21:11:00.004+08:00

I have quite a number of food posts to write about. But I am procrastinating..

For the moment,

I only want to runaway.

I want to be alone and away from the hustle and bustle of having to rush for assignment datelines. I want to runaway from situations/scenarios that make me think.
I want to runaway from the music project that has taken up my energy, commitment and time of having to attend practices on a weekly basis. I want to runaway from those who whine over petty issues in their relationships when they should be thankful for the love/care they receive that some may not have. I want to runaway from laziness, fatigue, procrastination, the sense of belonging..everything.

I want to runaway from people..

Particularly from those who drain me.
-yawn-

Singapore, here I come!

2009-03-11T14:33:00.002+08:00

I will be participating in this programme called Experience@Singapore which will take students from different Malaysian universities to Singapore. The main aim is to get an insight of what Singapore is like and to access the career fair there. I am so excited! Whee!!

Today, I got me passport done for the trip. Rm 300 for 32 pages!! Ouch! I realized that my old passport was only used ONCE..ONCE before it expired..and that was ages ago when I was 15 and on my way to Madagascar. As I was flipping through the unused pages of my old passport.. I felt the China-man cheapness lurking withing me. Rm 300!!!! Its not that the passport pages are that expensive in terms of its fixed cost. Sigh. :(

This time around, I vow to fully utilize my new passport and make sure more than 50% of the pages will be 'conteng-ed' with stamps/chops of various immigration depts. from different countries. The Singaporean immigration will be the first to autograph my new passport. Heee!! -squeals-

P/s: I seriously underestimated our civil services. I thought it might take me one day to renew my passport when in fact, it took me less than 4 hours to do so. erm.. er.. GOODY!!

Lump in my throat. Sigh.

2009-03-06T15:08:00.004+08:00

There is a lump in my throat and it is not a sorethroat.

Alot of things are so ironic it is annoying. At the same time, so many issues are so annoying it is ironic.

One. When we begin our day with the intention to reach out to our 'loved ones', that intention easily crumbles like pastry on apple crumble pie. The pastry tastes wonderful but heavenly delicacies like this never lasts long. Likewise, good wills/intentions never last long. Baking a good pastry pie comes from the inspiration to bake which would then stimulate your baking skills. Picture a scene where you have waited for this moment to bake since you are now 'in the mood' but when everything is laid out, utensils, ingredients and all, your inspiration leaves you. We strive for perfection, we strive to make full use of our day and be of use to everyone but when the chance for us to prove ourselves arrives, we loose all the strength we need. How ironic.

Two. What is the use of pleasing other people when, at the end of the day, it would not please but hurt you? Tell me, is it possible to obtain some reciprocity from the person you love yet is owned by another? Is it possible to halve a person's heart, keep one half for yourself and leave the other half to his/her owner? are you happy? If you are, tell me how long will it be till you yearn for the person's complete heart? Funny how we were taught since young to always share, share, share and we seen as mature if we do. But it is somewhat the other way around when it comes to 'love'. And did we ever ponder about how it feels to be a shared object? Do you feel the overwhelming guilt or masculine confidence?

Three. Why was there a sudden irritable feeling we once felt, before we threw our commitment away whilst maintaining other things constant? Why do I feel as though I am still being pulled in deeper into the ocean by an emotional current? Don't you know how uneasy and squirmish I get just looking beyond an endless ocean? I hate the depths of the oceans, I hate being in the middle of it.Ironic for a water baby like me. Yet, I love the ocean as much as I love the creatures living underneath it. Thats for you and me. An odd state that I find so interesting yet oddly confusing at the same time. Do I like flirting? I sure do. With fire??? I sure do. Which is why I dare swim out into the ocean without a float, allowing the current to pull me wherever it takes me.

When all comes tumbling down, everything builds into a lump in my throat. But as I fight to breathe easily, as I shake my head in disappointment, as I ball my fists while questioning about life's unfairness, the lump recedes and I loose the will to question, like how we'd loose our inspiration to bake. Have I lost the battle with myself? Were there any battles in the first place? I wouldn't know.

After all the fuss/pyschological chaos, I'd just sigh.

Farewell, TAS

2009-03-06T14:39:00.002+08:00

Exactly a week ago, my family and I went to The Actors' Studio in BSC (Bangsar) for the last time. It was a free farewell performance featuring stand-up comedies by Douglas Lim, Harith Iskandar, Monti & Logi, The Come Back Kings, dance performances and so on.

We ended up sitting on the steps since the free passes ran out but it was all worth it. The view was awesome since we were at the centre of the aisle and so were the performances.

Fyi, TAS was more or less 'forced' to leave because BRDB (Bangsar's city hall) felt that having a theatre right smack in the middle of BSC 'does not fit their concept of the new BSC'. Those who frequent to TAS like me would surely have the same question as I have:

What in the world was BRDB thinking?

Well, I would not know. All I do know is that both TAS and BRDB must have parted in bad terms as expressed in their 'Seasons in the sun' parody. There were also hints from the parody that they MIGHT be moving to Sentul West. Might be. So far!! I am indeed so sad :-(

To TAS: Your 8 years of hardwork were all not in vain. You have succeeded in making an impact in Bangsar by reaching to the hearts of busy Bangsarians and other city dwellers via performing arts and stand-up comedies. You were indeed our neighbourhood theatre. We, Bangsarians will miss you loads!!

Goodbye, TAS.

Dinning WITH Dominos + Fashion inspiration

2009-02-26T20:40:00.009+08:00

I have a number of back-dated food reviews that I have yet to post about. But because those are time consuming I will leave them for another day. Today's dinner at home, however, shot up my top priority posting list.

Yes, I dined with darling Dominos. -drools and swoons-

Though this dining experience is something oh so common, I realized that this is yet again one of the things that brightens our day (at least for mine that is). What made today's eating experience special is that it made me realize the love/warmth within my IMMEDIATE family (Mum, dad and me.Grandparents excluded). When I came back last week, my dad bought Dominos too despite the fact that he does not eat much as it triggers his migraine. That (and other methods)is how he shows his way of caring/providing for the family. In fact,my parents can't help but feed me whenever I come home during the weekend. I used to find it horrifying due to weight issues. Yet, now I realized it is only parental nature for them to do so. I thank God for it. =)

We are all huge fans of two pizza flavours. All of which are thin crust.

The Extravaganzza is awesome for those who love FRESH capsicum and minced meat. Eating it thin crust, to me, is so much better than eating it via classic hand tossed. The thin crust edition is so crunchy and flaky thin, I could savour the topping at ease (without having to chew on the dough like a donkey).

The poor Extravaganzza is no longer my favourite though because I got seduced by another new and current pizza flavour...

The 'new' Classifed Chicken with Top Secret Sauce.

God knows what they put in the 'top secret sauce' but it tastes awesome. Hopefully no weed in it though -sweat-. Creamy, cheesy, not your average tomato paste pizza, addictive and fattening. Yes, Fattening. Fattening!!! That was the only guilt-ridden thought bugging me whenever I eat this Classified Chicken.

So there you go, if you ever stop by for an affair/quickie with Dominos,I suggest you try the top secret sauce. Sorry, Extravaganzza, you come second though you taste good too. :p

Pizzas aside, today I had a sudden fashion-based inspiration/idea. Check this out..

Nothing much I know. But notice the black 'belt' I am wearing over my waist. Well, I decided to use my tube top (the ones I use as a camisole) and turn it into a clinch belt! I have been searching high and low for a perfect clinch belt but to no avail. They are either too expensive or too plain looking for me. Perhaps many would have that idea already. But it was a remarkable discovery for me.

So I paired that 'belt' up with a pink top, black bermuda pants and.. black hoop earrings.. wheeee!!

It was Pink and Black all the way, baby! And that colour combination is so me. For some reason, the whole outfit reminded me of a modern day pirate. errmm.. yea.. -silent-... -_-"

Do take note though, one friend actually indirectly inspired me to do the unusual with fashion. As a matter of fact, she was on my mind when I was in the midst of turning the tube top to a clinch belt.

She is none other than Siew Kwan.

Her mostly odd/unusual/unique sense of fashion somewhat pushed me to be more creative and resourceful in terms of fashion. I've seen how she boldly shares her outfit-of-the-day through her blog with not a hint of shame. But wait, I am missing something else. She also boldly shares about her experiences with the Lord and is never afraid to mention His name whenever possible.

Thanks for being an inspiration, Siew Kwan. I guess it is true that the way we dress depicts our personality, no? :-)

Ouch!

2009-02-25T10:55:00.002+08:00

Yesterday I woke up with a stiff neck.

And today..

It still hurts!!! arghh!!!...So please, do excuse me for my inability to turn my head to my left. I cannot even look down properly.

But at least, today is the career fair which provides me a chance to broaden my ideas on what I am to do as a fresh graduate. I just hope and pray..they do not ask me to turn my head to the left or look down..that would be soo sooo awkward. -__-"

Hehe.

More Puff-ness

2009-02-20T17:45:00.008+08:00

I seriously think I have a new obsession.

It is...

Trying curry puffs from all walks of life.

Really. Recently, whenever I see someone selling attractive looking curry puffs (esp the chinese versions with lots of pastry layers), I'd go bonkers. My excuse was that I'd like to try different curry puffs to review in me blog. I doubt that was the real motive -_-"

This week, I came across two curry puffs. Yes, just two. Not that much I know but I have a gut feeling more is yet to come.

I bought this curry puff from a lady in Taman Desa when I was on hunt for curry puffs for Ken's farewell party. Her stall is located opposite the row of coffee shops there and opens on Saturdays and Sundays only.

Puff profile...
Place of purchase: Jalan Desa Bakti, Taman Desa,Old Klang Road

Price: Rm1.40

Version: Chinese version with egg, chicken and potatoes

Size: Huge (say about 3/4 the size of my hand)

The verdict: Has a tinge of sweetness. But it isn't as salty as a normal curry puff. In fact, it seemed as though she deliberately cut dwn on the salt for ALL her snacks sold. It is more catered for those wanting to eat healthy. No pastry layers.

Side note to all: Hunting for curry puffs on a Sunday afternoon is the hardest thing ever!! You hardly find people selling curry puffs at that time.. Maybe I was not hunting hard enough. Sigh..

Now we come to the second curry puff of the week, discovered in Broga on a Tuesday night during dinner at Jia Xiang Restaurant. OMG.. this is MY type of cuffy puff. -drools-

-Erm..the shape for some reason looks obscene. I couldn't get a better angle for a more appetizing appeal. Sorry-

-The filling-

Puff profile...
Place of purchase: Jia Xiang Restaurant, Broga. Actually, a guy would enter every restaurant there carrying a tray of those curry puffs to sell to the restaurant staff and their customers.

Price: Rm1.50

Version: Chinese version with egg, chicken and potatoes

Size: Medium sized(the length is approx. 1/2 the size of my hand but its pretty fat)

The verdict: Has pastry layers (OMG,OMG!!). Freshly baked. Generous fillings. The amount of fillings and the thin buttery pastry layers goes well together and does not give a 'jelak' feeling. As you bite into the puff, the flakes of pastry comes off which can be rather messy but fun to eat (especially if you like picking on the leftover flakes). If you are into 'Chinese' curry puffs, this is something to dig in.

So that's our curry puff reviews done! :)

Curry puffs aside, Kiki gave me (and our other friends) Ferrero Rocher chocolates and a small card as a belated Valentine's gift! It was meant to thank us all for the 3 years of friendship we had!! Awww! That was on a tuesday too before the start of our Business Ethics lecture. I was really touched. So, I'd like to take this opportunity to thank Kiki for her thoughtfulness and for our friendship.

Thank you. Best friends forever! -big big hug-

One-liners

2009-02-16T22:22:00.003+08:00

I find this very difficult to put this into words beautifully.

Today, Josh messaged, 'Poking' me whilst telling me to 'have a great day' and that someone is missed. :-) There was nothing unusual about this actually. In fact, these simple messages have been a norm since... -dot,dot,dot-. :p Yet, it made my day.

Today, I realized that those unexpected messages that pop out of the blue during classes or early mornings are one of those little things that brighten my day. Really.. the messages sent tend to be simple, one-liners yet its ability to make me grin from ear to ear is amazing. Sure, there are times when I do send one-liners myself and not get a reply. At times, especially if I was pms-ing, I'd be slightly irritated about that. However, getting replies is something one would expect and thus, we do not feel as excited compared to if you'd get a message out of the blue.

Thanks, Josh. Have a great day ahead of you always. Pokes. :-)

Another note.

2009-02-11T14:34:00.005+08:00

Amidst the excitement over the freshly baked Kaya Puff, I forgot to post about another food item that my mum and I go ga-ga over.

It is this...

-drools-

The Ampang Fried Dumpling.. or 'Sui Gao' in Cantonese (sorry for the terrible spelling). Public holidays tend to mean breakfast together with mum and dad. Breakfast together would mean going out. Going out would mean having a great bfast which leads to a great kickstart for the day!! :D We often frequent to this place we call Ampang Yong Tau Foo. The Yong Tau Foo.. is just like any Yong Tau Foo. I am a noob in evaluating Yong Tau Foo in general. But the Sui Gao is awesome. For those who do not like the minced meat version of the Sui Gao, this is something you'd like. It is light, crunchy, does not have that after taste you get when you eat Sui Gao that has minced pork in it, neither is it too oily. This Sui Gao has fish fillings in it (obviously) and is addictive.

Hence, just like the oven-baked Kaya Puff I mentioned earlier, this is something that can kickstart my day, turning my grouchy old self into a happy-sunshiny me.

Ah..unlike the Kaya puff though, you do not need to wake up so early to get this as the restaurant opens frm 10am onwards. So your extra sleep time..shall not be compromised :p

What makes my day..

2009-02-11T10:30:00.003+08:00

Wednesday morning, 7am. Indra, Sally, Gab and I were supposed to have a morning hike up Broga hill. At first, Sally decided not to go as she was still asleep. Then, she woke up, deciding to go. Then, she decided NOT to go. In the end, she did not go. -.-"

So, it was just Indra and I. That was alright. We drove to the bottom of Broga hill and started to walk. But we turned back as there were a group of men having a discussion and though they may not have bad intentions, we did not want to ask for trouble. We then decided to go for breakfast which was fine with me.. but poor Indra could not believe she woke up early just to end up eating Bfast! LOL! Sally's fault :p

The breakfast was well worth it. We ate at multi-choice. Nothing great. But it was the Seremban Siew Pao stall that made me drool. They were just baking the Kaya Puffs and Egg tarts. Right after I was done with my nasi lemak, I brisked walk over to the stall with hopes to buy at least ONE kaya puff (just like how I'd have hopes to buy something from a megasale). The display section did not have any kaya puffs, I thought it was not ready yet. I was so sad for a minute. But when Indra asked the lady if there were any.. and she said YES! In fact, she asked if I wanted the hot one (which was straight from the oven) or the one on top of the oven. I choose the former of course. And that truly made my day!!

This may not look like an appetizing picture..since I could not wait to bite into the puff before thinking about my blog. Yet, I had to take a picture of this as this is one of the little things that brightens my day. Even Indra had to agree that the pastry was well done. So, if you want a good kickstart to your morning, I suggest indulging on a freshly oven-baked kaya puff/ Siew Pao/ Egg Tart before heading on to your routines.

The thing is, you need to be up by 8am to attain this orgasmic Puff. So what say you; wake up late with an empty stomach or forsake your extra sleep time for some freshly baked puff-ness? :p

Interesting process

2009-02-09T01:08:00.005+08:00

This is awesome, a few days ago, I felt the same particular feeling I felt almost a year ago..which was not a good thing. Yet, a few days after that, I am experiencing the tight 'slap' that jolts me bck to reality and snaps me out of this feeling. Last year, that feeling lingered for quite some time till it blurred/fogged my rational thinking. The tight 'slap' only came much later and waking up was difficult to bear. This year around, the whole 'feeling plus slap' process did not spread over a long period. It was quick and short. Well.. I am still in the tight slap process. Reality is coming down hard on me but it feels good to have realization dawn on me quicker than before so that I can 'recover' easily. Sure, the recovery process does feel slightly uncomfortable. Yet, oddly enough, I am genuinely smiling right now. I am feeling calm in fact!

If you were wondering what in the world is this 'feeling plus slap' process. That is for me to knw and for you to find out :p

I love my speakers! wheeee!!! :D

Yesterday.

2009-02-07T00:30:00.004+08:00

Yesterday, I felt useful. I felt satisfied. I played the role of a listener, an advisor, a proof-reader, a reassurer,a supporter, an idea-giver, a good daughter, a driver, a 'surrogate' mother (perhaps?).. the list can go on.

Though, this was not my first time doing this (obviously), the fact that I was playing a multiple role in helping people became prominent via sudden self-realization. A few days ago, I felt small and literally useless. I was not sure if my personality was strong enough to impact others. I felt alone, to be exact. But yesterday, God made sure that I did not doubt my confidence in impacting/helping others.

Yesterday, Sudz asked for help/inspiration with his personal statement for a student exchange programme to GREECE (Greece!! Greece!! omg, I hate you, sudhir.How can you learn in such a distracting beautiful place??!!). It was an interesting chore to do as I personally do not have an idea of how personal statements are written. I felt like a 'surrogate' mother wanting her son to feel relieved now that he is done with that chore. All in all, the feeling of helping someone gave me a good feeling. Yet, I was very cautious as to not let that good feeling overwhelm me. I did not want to make it as though I depended on helping ppl to help myself get that 'good feeling'. That would be selfish of me!

Yes, my blog post may look as though I am insecure and in need of some form of reassurance to prove that I am still useful. Well, no, I am not insecure. But yes, I needed some reassurance and encouragement as I felt down this week.

Later in the evening, I met up with Shaz since she was moving to JB this sunday. We chatted sooo soo much till I cldnt even remember tasting the Roti tissue I orderd frm Devi's -sweat- . As I drove bck home after our girly meeting, I could not help but feel a sense of soothing calmness overwhelming me. I'd usually feel flustered and excited after such a girly outing especially when it comes to catching up on friends I have not met for so long. But this calmness was just.. there. And then, I soon realized how our conversation made me realized how much we have matured since our MCKL days. I am more amazed at how much I have matured (emphasis added). Our conversation yesterday made me realize that I no longer am the type who wld listen with envy or discomfort. I preferred to listen intently and feel satisfied at the excited/happy expression on Shaz's face as she talks about the successful 5-days medical conference organized mostly by her. I preferred advising her on certain social issues rather than keeping it to myself and allow her to learn the hard way (just like I used to whn I was in my early teens). I preferred sharing parts of my problems to her rather than bottling it to myself. I was not as chatty and bimbo-ish neither was I too 'emo' and quiet (just like I used to be when I was younger). And that explains the sense of calmness. :-)

I realized I was not much of a trouble to mum, neither was I for my dad. In fact, yesterday, I was (and will always be) a listener for mum since she was a very patient listener when I was still a talkative child.

I was a supportive friend by agreeing to accompany Indra for her morning walks before class,starting this Tuesday. It was a great way to support her weight-loss regime :)

I became a listener and advisor to D when he poured out his issues on his relationship. I am happy for him though I did honestly tell him that I disapprove of certain things he does.

I got in touch with Shalini Niles,a senior frm MCKL. It was so refreshing to actually hear from her! I could sense her vibrant sunshiny aura from where I was sitting. Oddly enough, I did not feel envious (just like I used to when I was younger). Instead, I felt so proud of her.

Yesterday, I reminded myself that there are more multiple roles I am capable of playing in future. Yesterday, I realized I am no longer what I used to be when I was younger. I have grown up (and am still growing). Yes, thanks to my family and friends, yesterday was a very satisfying/productive/fulfilling day...

I love everyone of you.

Inspiration on the not so bright side

2009-02-04T14:39:00.003+08:00

He strives towards perfection
till he seems flawless to me
It makes me feel uncomfortable
It makes me feel small and impure
It makes me feel envious as he is still so young
I feel convicted, I feel sad, I feel something is not right
yet I feel secure
yet I feel encouraged
yet I feel inspired to change for the better.

I am his 'surrogate sister'
I wish he was my real brother
So as to keep myself in check
But he tries too hard to please others
I advise my best based on experience and observation
He nods in agreement
But who am I
to give practical advices to a semi-flawless person
I may be older
But my level of purity and determination
does not even add up to his.
Then I'd feel uncomfortable,
I'd feel small,
I'd feel impure
I'd feel envious.
It is a vicious cycle.. I can't help but get sucked in it.

On a brighter note, I found my inspiration to write again.
Thanks to him, my surrogate brother.

Ongoing trends

2009-01-30T11:33:00.007+08:00

I shall thoroughly update this blog later when i have more time. For now, I need to note down random emerging trends that seem to leave me very perplexed -scratches head in confusion-

Certain couples I know have broken up/ ended their relationships. The most perplexing thing is it happens one after another. In fact, my reaction itself shocked me. I was shocked, yes. But it was more of a 'shocked-because-these-things-are-happening-concurrently' feeling rather than a 'shocked-about-the-sudden-breakup' feeling. Do you get me?

I assume my perceptions have given me some understanding on Rship trends. Which is why I am no longer shocked.

New couples (just like newly weds) get so hyped up during their first few months together to the extent that calling/smsing 24/7 IS NECESSARY! Cuddling/canoodling/touching/ 'babyness'/ whatever P.D.As, you name it.. becomes a hobby whenever they get together. In short, they are filled with passion. But, many of you would know that this passion can wear out if couples are not careful in maintain it. And thats where things can go wrong. Misunderstandings/ insecurity/ possesiveness overtakes the ride in the rship. I used to dread this 2nd stage where the passion runs out because it drains your energy.. Really! But as I mature, I realized that this stage could either break you or mould you. This stage can bring couples much closer than before..that is IF both chooses to allow this phase to mould them. Look on the bright side, this is the stage that unmasks your 'other half's' real personality. Wouldn't you prefer seeing the true side of your partner NOW rather than being 'conned' into marrying someone who has been facade-ing all this while? But as many of my friends put it; it is easier said than done. If both sides feel they cannot kow-tow to each others' viewpoints, then it is best to withdraw now.

And that..can break you.

Many couples tend to drag this stage thinking that it is possible to work things out as time passes. They'd rather stick to one another because of the years together as a couple. Yes, dragging it can work but not all the time.

That can break you too.

In the end, it is best to let go and know what YOU want in an rship. Self justification helps if you change your mindset, which can change your desires. But if you are only justifying the existence of an Rship yet still have desires that don't match your Rship expectations, you are only fooling yourself. Many books, counsellors, and those filled with experiences give the same advice; Get out while you can. Do not fool yourself. But can WE fulfill that??

Hence, some prefer flings rather than rships. That's another ongoing trend i've noticed recently. Flings and flirts. They are harmless and fun. No commitments needed. No strings attached. No make-or-break 2nd stage. You can date as many as you like. Be happy. Get kissed. But, some of those I knw cannot stomach this form of friendship though they think they can. They get 'sucked' into this trap that can BREAK YOU and worse still, make you go through a series of 2nd stages ALONE (supposing your 'partner' is a real flirt). If you are on the brink of agreeing to a fling/friends with benefits friendship, it is best to think twice/3 times/ a dozen times about it. Sure flings are fun and addictive. But they are short-term (most of the time) and it comes with a hefty emotional price.

We are nothing more than emotional/sentimental human beings. It is very (times 100) difficult to let go and more so read our OWN emotions. See..that on the not-so-bright side ay.

P/s: No, I was not one of those who recently went through a breakup. I merely played the role of an observer/listener/counsellor/ and friend :-)

-Big hugs to those going through a breakup-

Dinner at Esquire Kitchen (14/09)

2008-09-17T11:28:00.006+08:00

The day after dinner at Nihon Kai, my parents and I went out for our usual grocery shopping which was usually followed by dinner. Since I needed to buy some household items for Uni, we decided to go to Atria since there was a Giant there. And so we ended up eating at Esquire Kitchen in Atria, another restaurant we frequent to. Though Esquire is quite common and has been around for a long time, I am still inspired to feature it in my Brighter Side blog.

We ordered about 4 dishes but my dad was the only one who ordered a bowl of rice to go with the dishes. I ordered another individual noodle dish whilst mum ate the dishes with no rice.

We chose...

this... -Pork ribs with old cucumber soup-

this... -Chicken with chashew nuts in paprika sauce-

this....
-Soft tofu with mushroom and veggies-

These dishes (including the noodle dish) were special because I managed to order them in Mandarin!!! (and a tinge of Cantonese la) Yaaaay!! :-) My dad went out for awhile so he assigned us to make the orders and since the captain spoke in Cantonese at first, so i responded in Cantonese...lor . I then switched to Mandarin as I was more comfortable speaking in Mandarin. Well.. at least, it made good practice. :-)

I did not manage to take pictures of the 'Noodles with Fried sauce' dish because I destroyed it before I thought of my blog. -sweat-

The soup was very well boiled. The flavour was there, though I swear I did not see a full pork rib. There were only small pieces of meat in the soup. Sigh..I suppose the current economic situation has made them stingy. Speaking of which, we noticed the other dishes were much smaller than before. Sigh. We can't escape the fact that Malaysia is seriously suffering from the current inflationary pressures and political situation.

Right, back to the food, the chicken with paprika was just right. Not too salty. The chicken was tender and not too old. The dried chillies were edible too, you can suck on them to get the sauce out that had been absorbed by the chillies. Because the sauce was quite thick, you obviously need to eat this with bread or rice.

The tofu, on the other hand, was plain..of course, this was already expected. Mum made the right choice in choosing these dishes because one was tasty, the other was plain. Again, it was all about the combination of too 'opposites' as I've mentioned in my previous post before.

My dad was still not full and satisfied, thus he decided to order one of my favourite dishes..

this!!!-Eggplant cooked Sze Chuan style-

Erm.. well..dad ordered this dish..so I did not get the chance to practice my Mandarin or Cantonese. -sweat-

Eggplants/brinjals have this distinct creamy taste that keeps me going for more. So this dish was definitely creamy and it was so soft and smooth. I even found the spring onions addictive. Sure it was oily..but this was (and still is) one of my favourite dishes!! :-D

However, like other dishes, it shrunk in size...-sniff..wipes tears from eyes-

Dinner at Nihon Kai (13/09)

2008-09-15T10:52:00.008+08:00

My parents and I had dinner at Nihon Kai, a japanese restaurant that we frequent to. The food so far had not been disappointing and so was the price. To us, it wasn't as expensive as many people would assume it would be. And though it was not centrally located in a busy place, you would be surprised to find people already sitting down for dinner at 6pm or even earlier! We also noticed many people making reservations beforehand (alot of tables were placed with the reserved sign and it is not to say that FFK..they actually DO turn up).

On Saturday, someone booked one of the private dinning rooms for a family dinner. For appetizers, we saw the waiters bringing in TWO HUGE plates of GIANT LOBSTERS on dried ice! My dad explained that this was a popular (and expensive) delicacy eaten raw. I don't know whether it was eaten raw.. maybe it was cooked but eaten cold. I need to research on that lobster dish. I couldn't get a pic of that lobster but the presentation was so grand and the dried ice made it look mysterious. We overheard everyone in that room going 'Waaaahhh....'
"Yea, they may go Waaaaaahh.. when the bill comes, they will also go Waaaaaaahhh..." joked my Dad. -sweat-. Yeap, I would not be surprised at all. Its lobster after all. He explained that one plate can cost from Rm100 onwards depending on the lobster.

'Waaaaaaaaaahhhhh......'

Still, the set dinner WE ordered was as yummy and at least the bill did not make us go 'Waaaaaaahhhh..'

This was MY set dinner. And being as blur, I forgot the Japanese name of this dish. Sigh. -Sweat-

It was basically baby asparagus wrapped in beef + Sashimi (the bowl on next to the main dish).
Set dinners usually includes rice (-gasp- i ate rice AGAIN!!), the main dishes such as the sashimi and the beef with asparagus, the mini appetizer, a small dish with pickled veggies for digestion, Miso Soup, and Chawanmushi.

My dad and I ordered the same thing (hmph, that copy cat :-p). Mum, on the other hand ordered a different set dinner which was a stew with deep fried pork meat and veggies. Again, I forgot what it was called. And, I could not take a pic of it as they imediately dug in and destroyed the set's presentation. Sigh. -sweat-

The beef and asparagus dish was good. The beef was tender and the asparagus was not too young, or old. It was just nice and thank God it did not taste bitter. However, the only flaw was that the veggies used to bed the Sashimi was quite bitter. Apart from that, the combination of the beef dish along with the Sashimi gave some 'life' to the fishy taste we get from the Sashimi. That is if you eat the Sashimi and the beef TOGETHER la. What I also did was I dipped the beef asparagus in wasabi and soy sauce..just like how we eat Sashimi. It gave the asparagus some kick though the taste became too saucy. I guess it was a good decision to combine the Sashimi and the beef dish as a set because for one, it brought two 'opposites' together. One was placid to the tongue as it had no seasoning whatsoever (the Sashimi) and the other was very well seasoned.

Ah! We also ordered a side dish (again, i can't remember the name) which was deep fried soft shell crabs, tempura style. It was good too!! Because that came first before the set dinners, we poked and mauled the crabs with our chopsticks thereby rendering the dish in a not-so-photogenic condition. Oh dear.. -sweat-

Btw, Nihon Kai is situated around the Old Klang Road area. It is located behind Michelin which is after BHP Petrol station. Hence, you need to turn right as if turning into Michelin.

The dinner was filling yet I did not feel bloated at all. In fact, in most of our visits to Nihon Kai, our tummies usually felt 'just nice' after eating. We also did not feel thirsty proving that they do not exceed on the Msg content...

except for the Miso Soup that is. :-p

Finally, after so long.

2008-09-13T10:42:00.051+08:00

I was supposed to post this up yesterday but anyhow.

The 5 of us (Ching, Anju, Sya, Chui and I) FINALLY managed to meet up on the 7th of August at Anju's place after months and months (or maybe years) of not being able to meet up. Anju came back from Ireland for the summer break. It was a great experience. Dinner was simple; Ching and I 'ta-pao-ed' food from a food court in DP (I 'ta-pao-ed' rice..Gasp!), and brought it over to An's place to eat while the rest came after dinner.

The meet up was sweet and simple, literally. Sweet because the girlish chitty chatters were accompanied with some Lindt's Swiss Chocolates and a small glass (really one, it was a small brandy glass, don't worry!) of Irish Baileys. (Sorry la, I got it wrong about the chocolates in my last post). Perfect for a Thursday night...though NOT perfect on the calories and sugar content. LOL! Sure, the combination of rich Swiss Chocolates and rich Irish Baileys was an absolute calorie-intake disaster. But, it was oh so yummy and hormonal changing (chocolates increase your Endorphins mah).

-Frm top to bottom: The top cover of Lindt's chocolates and the treasures that awaits us inside...*dramatic Hallelujah music plays when cover opens*-

Ching brought along her Dad's new bulky SLR camera. Though the camera annoyed Sya, the pictures turned out beautiful..as you can see. Come la, Sya, give the camera some credit. LOL.

And so, we updated each other on what we have been doing with our lives so far. I couldn't believe how much we have grown. One of us was already married with a baby daughter, the other was working and staying with her bf, one had already travelled Europe during her stay in Ireland, and one was/is still studying but will soon enter her final year. Amazing.

-The lonely chocolate; his other friend dressed in white with an almond armour is destined to be devoured by a hormonal changing female homosapien-

Btw, before going to Anju's place after getting the food, I noticed the nice mileague numbers my car was displaying. And it was the 7th of August to top it all off.

I had to take a picture of this.

(Courtesy of -inhales air- ..Ching's dad's SLR camera..phew!)

To be honest, that night was the first time I could sip the Baileys PROPERLY. I mean, I drank Baileys before, and I do appreciate the taste. Nevertheless, I knew there was some way of sipping it 'correctly' so as to acquire that creamy taste on your tongue. But I couldn't master it. All the while, I usually drank it in a not-so-proper cup (like a hot cocoa mug..where the rims of the cup were designed to make bigger sips). Anju, on the other hand, served the Baileys in a brandy glass and it was much easier to take tiny sips. Though this was just a petty thing, it actually makes some difference which we may take for granted.

See!! I told you, the glass was small and the amount, very little. I did not drink so much la :-p

-For some reason, brandy glasses remind me of antique parrafin lamps especially the lamp shade..except the rim of the lamp shade has been sliced off and there is no kerosene stand at the bottom-

(Photo courtesy of Wikipedia)

Hmmmm.......

I needed to post the following two pictures so as to clear any misunderstandings with Eeyore's owner and Eeyore himself that we had no intention to bully Eeyore or mentally traumatise him. LOL!!

I hereby declare that Eeyore is not gay as displayed in the picture below (notice the golden earring?)...

...And is not the type who would walk around with nothing but a bath towel on his head and sits on people's laps stark naked..

We had such a great time, that I lost track off time. Ended up coming back a little over my curfew time. But, bad as I am, I didn't quite bother. This time, we really wished Eve could join us then that could 'complete' the whole meet-up with all the 6 of us. But thats ok, I am sure all 6 of us will be able to meet up sooner or later.

Finally, after so long :-)

Spa Treat 12/09

2008-09-12T17:19:00.005+08:00

Today I treated mum (and myself) to a one and a half hour full body aroma massage at my previous workplace; Aurora (I worked as a part-time receptionist there halfway through my summerbreak). It was so relaxing..though I did feel ticklish when the masseuse touched my foot. LOL!! The aroma massage comes together with the Hot Stone therapy and boy, was it heavenly. Well..at least it didn't scald my skin like some Char Siew. And I was so glad the massuese didn't go too hard on me. Since this was my first time going for a full body massage, I was obviously elated and easily impressed. Mum suggested I try out the massage done by the bling people, according to her, they are also as good (and cheaper too). Nevertheless, we enjoyed ourselves at Aurora.

I was definitely sure my neck/shoulder areas would ache abit after that since the muscles have hardened because they tense up easily. Shows how much we were in need of some relaxation to untense those muscles. It felt rather weird to me for awhile though especially the idea of having your own colleagues (or ex-colleagues) massage you.. -sweat-.

Working at Aurora might have been slightly placid but I still loved it, somehow or rather. Not to say I was totally complacent. I mean, I believe everywhere we go, we would surely learn something. It depends whether we choose to open our eyes or not. I learnt more Mandarin from my ex-colleagues, I learnt to be more compassionate to these foreign workers (something essential if I were to decide to embark on the Human Resources Management career) and I learnt to be more grateful/proud of my Chinese-Malagasy parentage (might be labelled as self acceptance,perhaps?).

Actually, my plan for today was to write on a meet-up we (Ching, Chui, Sya and An) had at Anju's place, featuring pics of imported Chocs from Ireland (or was it London?) and the classic Irish Baileys. But because the spa treat was just wonderful and sentimental (I got to meet-up with my ex-colleagues and treat mum), I had to post it up on this blog.

-Aurora, the art of massage-

I wished I took some pictures at Aurora (at least pics of the oil bottles or something)..but the inspiration to create a post for this outing came well after I came back. Thank goodness I have my boss's card.

Do drop by at Aurora if you happen to be galavanting at Jalan Telawi, Bangsar. :-)

*Bday wishes: Happy 22nd birthday,Joshua aka Josh. May God bless you,bum bum! :-)

A very backdated Mango Mania meet-up.

2008-09-11T19:53:00.074+08:00

Ok. I know this outing was sometime back already (about 2 months back?). But the food and the outing itself was awesome. Honestly, that outing, along with other food sprees, inspired me to start this new blog.

Eve, Ching and I met up for lunch on the 19th of July at Nirvana's. As usual, Nirvana's was packed. But since Eve fancied a banana leaf lunch.. well..might as well drop by. I didn't take the banana leaf (as usual also) since I can't eat rice. So I ended up eating a plate of vegetables and drinking mango lassi (yes, sad i know). But it was the desserts that was inspiring and oh so yummy!!

We walked to a very yellow coloured Mango Mania. Everything looked so inviting.. the lounge area, the cakes, the fruits (yes, they displayed alot of mangoes) ..the whole interior design was pretty.

The menu looked tempting and very yellow too.

Upon closer inspection, this was (and still is) their speciality. The Yoghurt Ice Cream!! Yo-Froz!!! 98% Fat Free!! -squeals- KYAAA!!

The Yo-Froz comes in 3 different flavours. Natural, Mango, or Natural + Mango. You can also choose to top it off with some cut fruits.

Btw, as I was typing this post, I thought their menu had a spelling error. I swear Yoghurt was spelt as Yoghurt and not Yogurt. So I looked through dictionary.com and discovered that Yoghurt can be spelt as yogurt or even yoghourt.

I learnt something new today. LOL!

These were the cakes they displayed. Mind you, the cakes looked pretty small for a slightly hefty price.

For some reason, the lounge area reminded me of Ikea. -sweat-

After a 'looonngg' period of discussion, we FINALLY ended up choosing (and eating)....

this.. (Mixed Yo-Froz)

this.. (Mango Cheesecake)

and this.. (the Chocolate threefold)

The texture of the Yo-Froz was quite smooth and because it was made of pure yoghurt (well almost), it melted fast. The taste was suprisingly slightly on the salty side. For those who are used to the 'conventional' sweet yoghurt ice cream, they might get taken back with the saltish taste. We didn't mind the taste though. In fact, it was that odd saltish taste that made me fascinated with the Yo-Froz. I guess, this was how an almost pure yoghurt would taste like.

The Mango Cheesecake was really creamy and soft. It wasn't as outstanding as the Yo-Froz if you asked me. It was nice but the taste was quite common if not, we would have still re-called how it tasted like just like the Yo-Froz.

The Chocolate Threefold was very chocolatey. Not bad but again, the Yo-Froz stood out more till I can't even re-call how great the Threefold tasted like.

I don't know why, but I was attracted to the artificial 'mango' tree at the corner where we were seated. It looked so oddly unique and cute, I had to pose with it. :-p

Overall, the desserts were yummy! The combination of colours, the contemporary pictures on the wall, the pillows and the sofas at the lounge area somehow makes you want to chill and order more desserts especially during a hot afternoon.

Another thing I also noticed was that the contemporary pictures were for sale (if I am not wrong) because they had a tag with the name of the artist and the price right below the pictures. So, the lounge area also functioned as a mini art gallery..which I find cute.

We have not tried the main courses there though. The menu contained the usual pastas, sandwiches and other common dishes that I can't recall now. When we do visit Mango Mania again for lunch, I'll be sure to write about it.

And thus, we wrapped up our food outing with a cam-whoring session. We just wished Anju and the OTHER two *coughs* Sya and Chui *coughs* were there too.

No worries, I'm sure we will all get a chance to adjourn to Mango Mania to add extra calories in our already lumpy bodies.

Pray Mango Mania doesn't close down before we get there though.

Second introduction

2008-09-10T19:30:00.000+08:00

So I decided to create a another blog. Sure, I know I did not maintain/update my Centrestage,Backstage blog. Managing an EXTRA blog might result in another 'ghost town' blog (where I go MIA after consistent updating).

This blog, however, is dedicated solely to the various things in our everday life that we might take for granted, be it big or small. Since these everyday things inspire me so much, I am more likely to update this blog this time around.

Food, trips, holidays, shopping sprees, shoes, friends, family, meet-ups, clubbing experiences etc.. they brighten OUR brighter side. Don't they? :-)